V and I got matching tattoos last weekend. We might love New Hampshire.
More best friend tattoos Bethany Rose? Hmmmm??? : )
- You don’t have to achieve great things by the time you’re 25
- You have intrinsic value above and beyond your perceived utility to other people and society at large.
- You don’t have to have sex, or have sex in any way that you find uncomfortable or unpleasant, to keep anyone’s love or good opinion of you. They didn’t love you or think very well of you to start with if they demand it.
- You don’t have to stay with someone who isn’t meeting your emotional or sexual needs because they need you, or you’ve been with them for awhile, or you need to be in a relationship. You need you. Your time is your own and it is finite.
- It’s okay to work at a job you enjoy that doesn’t make you miserable even if it’s not a career and it won’t “lead to anything.”
- Your life is not a narrative. It is not leading to anything, there is no overarching thesis, it does not have themes beyond the usual shared cultural experiences of your time and place. This is okay. It does not mean that your life is without purpose or meaning.
- It’s okay not to like or get along with the vast majority of people you encounter, so long as you afford them the same respect, courtesy and dignity that they afford you.
- Expensive is not always better.
- Failure is temporary if you’re still alive.
- People are both much better and much worse than you’d suspect, but usually not all at once.
- Stop thinking of your future self as a different person and it will be easier to prevent money and health problems.
- Let people help you, lean on them when you need to, and be available to help, but don’t swing too far in either direction. Try to carry your half of the life basket as evenly as you can.
- Set boundaries, and do not be afraid to kick people out of your life who disregard them. You will not end up alone and unloved. People who love you will be okay with your boundaries.
- Your power does not come from money or beauty, but from seeing life steadily and wholly, from a curious and thoughtful mind, and from your ability to say no when you want to, and yes when you want to, and I don’t know when you don’t know.
- There will be bad times, maybe lots of bad times, but not only bad times.
- Love will not heal the wounds in your soul, but love can give you the impetus to begin the work of healing yourself.
- Life might be a long series of starting over, and that’s alright.
- You’re really cool, you’re really beautiful, you’re really special. Really. Not to everyone, but to a lot of someones sometimes.
Last weekend while Kait was off Secret Supper‘ing in Nebraska I was tagging along with my husband on assignment in New Hampshire. Had I known we were going to meet and see one of my favorite artists, Strand of Oaks, perform I would’ve been most excited about that, but as it were I fixated on all the food we might eat. If you love food and city living but find it exhausting at times (yup and yup) New Hampshire is actually the perfect place to go. For me it’s less of a “get away” and more of a chance to “get back to.” Not much to plan and distract, but if I can slow down enough I find plenty to take in.
Being from the similarly rural, mountainous land of upstate New York I feel instantly at home in New Hampshire, especially it’s beautiful Lakes Region. You never know what you might find along a winding country road: spontaneous clearings with breath taking mountain views, road side egg or veggie stands, and, perhaps most rewarding of all, orchard-side ice cream spots.
Along Route 28 in Pittsfield, New Hampshire there’s a solitary sign reading “Appleview Orchards” and an arrow pointing towards Upper City Road. Travel around the area for a few hours and you’ll learn that each road stretches on for miles, sometimes hours, so the lack of a mile marker or estimated distance can be daunting.
Persist past the abandoned farm houses and collapsed barns for long enough, though, and you’ll come upon a four-for, Appleview Orchards. Winding road, spontaneous beautiful view, egg stand across the street AND, of course, ice cream. Orchard side ice cream. Cheap, delicious ice cream. With local soda. And cute baby farm animals. And patio rocking chairs perfect for enjoying said view. They give you way too much peach or moose tracks or peppermint patty, as if they realize that without the bait you might rush on to the next activity or stop before fully taking it all in like you should. The air is somehow sweeter, like the impermanence of summer has crystalized just long enough to breath in.
We chuck our napkins and reverse across the crunching gravel as time quickens again. I remember the wistful look that crossed Strand of Oak’s face the night before as he talked about being in New Hampshire, asking “What the hell am I doing living in that city?”
“True love is not a painful obsession. It is not taking a hostage or being a hostage. Is is not all-consuming, isolating, or constricting. Unfortunately the type of love most of us learned about as children is in fact an addiction, a form of toxic love.”
-Robert BurneyCodependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls